November News
November Newsletter
The Great Escape
I see it everywhere.
The great mental escape. The numbing. The avoidance.
And quite frankly, it is soul-shaking to witness.
Not only because of what I see happening in the world around me, but because I recognize the moments of my own life that I lost doing the very same thing.
Walk through a park, sit in a restaurant, ride a bus, or stand at a busy intersection. Look around. What do you see?
Heads down. Eyes fixed on screens. Fingers scrolling endlessly.
People surrounded by life, yet seemingly absent from it.
No one looks up anymore.
And when we finally return home, what do we do?
We turn on another screen.
Families gather in the same room, but instead of engaging with one another, everyone retreats into their own little world. One person watches television, another scrolls through social media, another plays video games.
We call it spending quality time together.
But are we really together?
Are we connecting? Are we listening? Are we learning about one another? Are we even experiencing our own lives?
Or have we simply found more socially acceptable ways to escape them?
What Happens When You Turn It All Off?
Three months ago, Kyah and I stopped watching television, YouTube, and other recreational screen entertainment. Beyond what is necessary for work and school, we turned it off.
And I will tell you something.
It was hard at first.
It is so easy to sit down after a long day, turn on the television, and disappear into someone else's story.
You don't have to think. You don't have to feel. You don't have to confront the things in your own life that may be uncomfortable.
You don't have to engage with the personalities around you, navigate difficult conversations, or acknowledge the things you've been avoiding.
You can simply escape.
But what happens when you turn it all off?
Suddenly, there you are.
With your thoughts. Your feelings. Your relationships. Your circumstances.
Your life.
And perhaps, for the first time in a long time, you have to sit with it.
What if you don't like what you see?
What if the relationship you're in isn't fulfilling? What if your career is draining the life out of you? What if you're lonely, unhappy, disconnected, or simply going through the motions?
What if the life you've created is not the life you actually want to live?
Do you have the courage to face that truth?
And more importantly, do you have the courage to change it?
Since When Was Easy Right?
I once had a friend who frequently said, "Easy is right."
That never sat well with me.
Because some of the most meaningful things we will ever accomplish are anything but easy.
It isn't easy to work your way through school.
It isn't easy to sit with your shadows, confront your wounds, and begin healing.
It isn't easy to walk away from relationships, careers, or circumstances that no longer align with the person you've become. It takes courage to acknowledge that the life you've created may no longer be the life you're meant to live.
It isn't easy to look in the mirror and take responsibility for the choices you've made.
And sometimes, it isn't even easy to turn off the television and sit in the same room with the people you love.
Growth can be uncomfortable.
Healing can be uncomfortable.
Truth can be uncomfortable.
But discomfort is not always a sign that something is wrong.
Sometimes discomfort is the very thing calling us to change.
And when we continually numb ourselves to it, we may also be silencing the very message we need to hear.
The Many Faces of Numbing
Before moving to where I live now, I spent time in a community where substance use seemed especially prevalent.
Alcohol. Marijuana. And other ways of altering reality.
I saw people clinging to their drinks at social gatherings, seemingly needing that can of beer to feel comfortable, confident, or accepted.
And I saw people within spiritual communities criticizing those who drank while relying on marijuana for their own sense of peace, connection, or expanded awareness.
I found myself contemplating the similarities.
Different substances. Different explanations. Sometimes the same underlying desire.
To belong.
To feel comfortable.
To quiet the mind.
To escape something we don't want to feel.
I recognize that not everyone who drinks alcohol, uses cannabis, watches television, or plays video games is trying to escape their life. Enjoyment, recreation, medical use, and intentional relaxation are not inherently avoidance.
But I believe there is an important question we rarely ask ourselves:
Am I choosing this experience because it truly enriches my life, or because I don't want to experience my life?
And before anyone thinks I'm pointing fingers, let me tell you something.
I've been there.
I have held a drink at a party as though it were the only life preserver keeping me afloat in a sea of people who seemed to know how to belong.
I have used alcohol to feel more comfortable, more accepted, more capable of fitting in.
I have poured a drink at the end of a stressful day to take the edge off, rather than face the reality of what I was choosing to put myself through.
And cigarettes?
Oh, those magical little sticks.
At one point in my life, they made me feel tough. Cool. Confident.
Or at least that was the story I told myself.
But I recently had a realization about smoking that stopped me in my tracks.
The Permission I Gave Myself
When I was a smoker, I took breaks.
I stepped away from work. I went outside. I breathed the air. I gave myself a few minutes away from the demands of the day.
And I never questioned whether I deserved that break.
I was going outside to smoke.
That was my permission slip.
Now, years later, without the cigarettes, sometimes it's like pulling teeth to convince myself to step outside and take a walk without feeling guilty.
Think about that.
I once needed a cigarette to give myself permission to rest.
What an incredible lesson.
The cigarette wasn't simply about nicotine, confidence, or belonging. It had also become a socially acceptable reason to step away and take care of a need I wasn't giving myself permission to acknowledge.
How many of our habits serve a similar purpose?
How many things do we cling to because they give us permission to do something we don't believe we deserve to do for ourselves?
To rest.
To belong.
To feel confident.
To be alone.
To escape responsibility for just a moment.
What if we learned to give ourselves those things without needing something external to justify them?
What if we could simply say, "I need a break," and believe that was enough?
I sometimes wonder how many moments of our lives slip away while we're staring at a screen, reaching for another drink, or finding something—anything—to occupy our minds.
How many sunsets have we missed?
How many conversations never happened?
How many relationships have quietly deteriorated because we stopped being present with one another?
How many dreams have we abandoned because it was easier to watch someone else live theirs?
And how many opportunities for change have passed us by because we were too busy distracting ourselves from the discomfort that might have inspired us to act?
We have access to more entertainment, information, and stimulation than perhaps any generation before us.
Yet access to endless stimulation does not necessarily mean we are experiencing a fuller life.
We can watch people travel the world without ever exploring our own community.
We can watch people fall in love while neglecting the relationships sitting right beside us.
We can watch people pursue their dreams while convincing ourselves that someday we'll pursue ours.
We can spend hours watching someone else's life unfold.
But who is living ours?
Imagine If We All Looked Up
Imagine what our communities might look like if we began putting down our phones and looking one another in the eyes.
If we started conversations with strangers.
If families sat together and actually talked.
If we stepped outside, explored our neighborhoods, volunteered, created, learned, played, and rediscovered the world around us.
Imagine if, instead of numbing our unhappiness, we became curious about it.
Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, we learned how to have them.
Instead of escaping unfulfilling circumstances, we found the courage to change them.
Instead of waiting for life to become something worth living, we began creating a life we were excited to wake up to.
I am not suggesting that we must be productive every moment of every day. Rest is essential. Play is essential. Sometimes watching a movie, enjoying a game, or simply doing nothing is exactly what we need.
But there is a profound difference between resting to replenish yourself and escaping to avoid yourself.
One brings you back to life.
The other, when it becomes habitual, can quietly keep you from it.
This isn't about judging anyone.
It is about looking honestly at ourselves.
Because I believe the great escape is happening all around us, and sometimes within us, in ways we don't even recognize.
I know it has happened within me.
And I wonder how much more of life we could experience if we became willing to be fully present for it.
The joy and the sorrow.
The beauty and the discomfort.
The connection and the conflict.
The uncertainty and the possibility.
All of it.
Because this is our life.
Not the one on the screen. Not the one we fantasize about. Not the one we tell ourselves we'll start living someday.
This one. Right here. Right now.
So I leave you with a few questions.
What are you using to escape?
What feelings, relationships, or circumstances might you be avoiding?
What would happen if you stopped distracting yourself long enough to truly see your life?
And if you didn't like what you saw, would you be brave enough to change it?
Perhaps the greatest awakening doesn't begin with some extraordinary spiritual experience.
Perhaps it begins with something as simple as putting down the phone, turning off the television, looking up, and choosing to be here.
Stop escaping your life. Start living it.
Because someday, the time we spent avoiding our lives may be the very time we wish we could have back.
*Kyah's Journey & Wisdom*
Hello, today I am going to tell you about a very valuable lesson that I learned. So the other day I was in class and working on an assignment with my friend and we finished so we started working on our homework which I was already almost done with so I finished and grabbed an extra credit assignment but she wasn’t done with her homework yet so and when the class was over, she asked me if I could do her homework for her and I said no. She kept asking if I would do it, so I said, “I am not doing your homework it is Halloween weekend and I have my own homework to do and I don’t want to get in trouble.” She didn’t care what I said and just handed me the paper. So, I took it and put it in the bottom of my locker and never did it. The next day she asked me if I did it and I said no, it’s still in my locker. She got mad and said that I owed her one. I said I didn’t, but she didn’t care and didn’t listen. So, I just said OK and ignored her. So, I learned that it’s good to keep your boundaries. So, I appreciate being taught this lesson. Thank you and here’s to being superhuman.
melody@invokeandra.com 541-291-1240
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